Thoughts on LostLetterbox

LostLetterbox0@gmail.com (LostLetterbox) — Thu, 23 Nov 2023 10:09:25 +1100

There is little to no bit in my opinion for people to punch down; yes the rule of law is important and actions need consequences, but what is there to be gained from punching down? Whether by personal action or due to personal circumstances people find themselves in a situation they either don’t know how to deal with or can’t deal with. We (or I) interpret their response to this situation as destructive (either towards others or towards themselves) and the world ends up a little bit inevitably sadder (presumably from a utilitarian point of view).

If people choose to punish themselves (or act against the values they espouse internally for them or externally for others) there is little benefit to be gained by punishing them further (unless you believe a larger consequence would somehow improve the lesson being learnt). A couple of recent examples of mine from an Australian context:

I ordered food from Menulog (to a hospital) and the courier lost the food (either misdelivered or stole), it took me over a week of communication to encourage Menulog to provide me a refund, and if my life is cut short I’ll never order from them again. Was it the courier’s fault? they new the contract they were engaged in, they accepted the (underpaid?) work as their best option given what they knew at the time, and somehow the contract fell through; Ideally they wouldn’t had agreed to deliver the order but we’re not discussing that counterfactual. In my opinion, me chasing the courier would be punching down, prior to brain cancer (and its been (touchwood) far easier than I imagined it was I was told the initial diagnosis) I lived a cushy life and I still have funds to purchase takeaway in whatever time I have remaining, I do wonder if the courier has such luxuries. Punching up in this circumstance is me complaining about the insufficient systems MenuLog have in place. I’d argue my (social?) contract was with Menulog who on-contracted the delivery person. Menulog is in theory worth at least millions and changed hands several times. If their systems are leading to lost contracts and stolen food surely they have the strongest incentives to fix their business? {{ emotes/shrug }}
Extended experience with NSW Civil and Administrative Tribunal. Currently, I’ve been hearing and reading about a business’ dealings with {{ html/abbr key=“NCAT” }}, and whilst these institutions have to be set up to hear and deal with different types of spurious legislation its ultimately a dead weight loss when they do. Anyway, this business spent hours and hours with a client, fulfilled their promises as best they could once the plan hit the real world and I’m sure delivered excellent product there is still a dispute. My feeling is that the clients are short on money and desire a refund to spend elsewhere (their shit situation) which has no expanded to the business I was reading about via this lodgement. I expect the business to win this case, but based on what I know there is no point chasing the clients further. It already sounds like they’re miserable given my interpretation of their circumstances and their decision to file this spurious brief over finding new ways to serve others either through work, at home, or their own values whatever they may be.

Anyway, the whole of this article is to advocate against punching down (rule of law being a slightly different matter), it only extends pain and distractsyou from what you want to achieve. Punching up can be acceptable but only you can decide if it’s worth it based on the circumstances you find yourself… I decided to pursue my Menulog refund as punishment to the company for having an unacceptable system within the context of delivering to a hospital and would hate to find out other patients having a similarly rough order during a trying time but ultimately I recognise my actions will be next to near meaningless relative to the decisions of both the Menulog staff and their delivery network. The better the decisions we make today the more hopeful I am of avoiding suffering tomorrow, but this is the bias of my mind and you dear reader have to decide what might be appropriate for you.

LostLetterbox0@gmail.com (LostLetterbox) — Wed, 22 Nov 2023 19:34:00 +1100

Yesterday, before I had a seizure again induced by the growing brain lesions, I found out that my home server is out of date :(. It’s set up for a baseline of stability ergo proxmox/debian 12 which comes with podman 4.3 as part of the software repository.

There is/was complexity in managing these configurations (I was using a makefile to pass parameters between my dev makefile and production podman/systemd files) but even in podman 4.3 there was so much functionality to build from like auto-updates. However, coming back to this (and ignoring the stability features of my home server repository manager it’d be nice to upgrade from podman 4.3 to 4.7. It would improve my access to simpler files for containers, networks, and volumes, should support existing features like like auto-updates (when pulling from a repository with a dynamic tag) and what truly kicked off this investigation for me updatable and rotating secrets (trying to improve and fix my backup solution without forking out additional money whilst improving my underlying security mental model (given it’s all file based the practical parts of the security for a private home server probably remain constant).

Anyway, it’s fun projects like these I get to continue with in my spare time provided a) treatment goes well and b) the overall impact on my functional brain remains limited enough such that I can function similarly to how I was/am prior to stereotactic radiosurgery.

Link to podman/quadlet article

LostLetterbox0@gmail.com (LostLetterbox) — Tue, 21 Nov 2023 07:33:43 +1100

Another day another rumoured product slowdown for Google & Co there is part of me that is curious (but ultimately doesn’t care) if Google is more machine than man. If the goal is to be uncompromisingly objective (or data-driven) why do anything? If you were uncritical (and without shareholders) you would dig a hole (build a product) decide the hole doesn’t accomplish much (maybe you’re overcharging, maybe you aren’t) and that the intervention didn’t change much (nice pricing changes what people can build). Maybe you develop some critical insight and either commit to doing nothing (it will all fail anyway) or embrace the inner humanity you’re avoiding and decide thata choices are worthwhile because they are choices.

Will Google become just the machine? Will they become ever more extractive and manipulative for their shareholders? Am I wrong for being curious? Ultimately it doesn’t matter, but I do hope they stop incinerating human potential whilst they decide.

LostLetterbox0@gmail.com (LostLetterbox) — Mon, 20 Nov 2023 14:57:25 +1100

I have to empathise with this Google doc set up but it feels incredibly transient given the context of personal sites I’ve been exploring of late.

However, someone might find these principles helpful so have at thee.

LostLetterbox0@gmail.com (LostLetterbox) — Mon, 20 Nov 2023 11:33:22 +1100

With the time I currently have waiting for treatment I’ve decided to use it do whatever tickles my brain :). One such moment was deciding to implement webmentions or an interpretation of it for this blog. Anyway, one of the decisions I made was I wouldn’t worry about backwards compatibility here, it wasn’t (isn’t) worth my limited time and doesn’t really tickle my brain for my private corner of the web.

Anyway, after a little discovery I’ve found out that bloody wordpress has an internal xmlrpc.php endpoint to help keep their mobile app running; my decision was fine (to see how I go with this distributed social web) I just didn’t plan on wasting time seeing if I needed to revisit my decisions… because wordpress aren’t pruning their old (misleading?) code in blogs I’d like to follow :(.

I wish things could be perfect, but witnessing the messy state of a living world is also a blessing.

LostLetterbox0@gmail.com (LostLetterbox) — Mon, 20 Nov 2023 06:47:41 +1100

I’m not here to tell you that AWS is the right solution for your problem. But either my inner nationalist or my inner libertarian is happy to see Australians continue to have opportunities to find technical work with shifting into a legal jurisdictions with fewer rights.

Strengthening our commitment to Australia - I hope you find answers to personal empowerment :)

LostLetterbox0@gmail.com (LostLetterbox) — Mon, 20 Nov 2023 00:16:50 +1100

After posting about Google Australia the other day I decided to have another look at their open jobs for the Sydney Office. There is one aspect in which I was overly harsh and slightly regret. What Google Australia can do and can do well is supplement the timezone coverage for incident response across Google’s global network. If Google historically has done anything well its avoiding disruptions like the one that impact Chernobyl or more recently Optus. I mean, I believe there might be reasons Optus is uniquely impacted in the Australian telecommunications sector given its unique company structure and hiring, ut still Google as a company have avoided those problems largely due to their commitment to their version of operations they brand SRE, jobs they still hire for in Australia.

In my own current journey I’m grateful for the operators. The MRI operators, the medical nurses and receptionists, the radio technicians and surgeons… At this point of my journey its not the designers and inventors with the capacity to help save my life but the operators (those that show up daily to crank the gears to save us all).

So, whatever happens from here I’m glad to confirm the end of any ambition to work at Google (I mean they suceeded at that based on the way their product management team treated me during my internship)… I just wish I hadn’t struggled to try to understand WHY it happened for the past decade of my life (the majority of my career). I wonder if any of them will ever understand the suffering partially inflicted by their incompetence in that situation and by my inability to come to terms with the experience. It doesn’t matter now does it.

LostLetterbox0@gmail.com (LostLetterbox) — Fri, 17 Nov 2023 22:05:25 +1100

If you want to know how little respect Google has for Australia just look at their blog. It can be a generous company towards their employees but they are leeches of Australian talent and treat the country with no respect at all expect a market to extract money from. Obviously each employee at Google Australia has to make up their own minds about what’s in their interest but its an utter waste of human potential from my perspective.

LostLetterbox0@gmail.com (LostLetterbox) — Fri, 17 Nov 2023 12:36:35 +1100

Before my diagnosis change I had been and have been playing around with self-hosting. It wasn’t goal directed specifically but an opportunity to better see, manage and understand the complexities and trade-offs of running services (and in theory organisations with just 1 human).

One of the decisions I came up to was what kind of chat system could/would be used, and of course I don’t claim any insight into correctness or what’s right for others but I did implement XMPP as developed by others against my LDAP of 1 + a few server profiles. I picked XMPP because it was light weight relative to other communication alternatives I found and seemed more suited to what I was trying to do, and facilitating that lightness I think due to the age/communication/diversity that others have invested in the protocol.

Anyway, I just wanted to express my bias and appreciation for the outcomes of collaboration/communication/diversity and efficiency. I can’t say its the best set of trade-offs for everyone or for every situation but its those characteristics that I think I have enjoyed playing with, learning about and experimenting with.

It’d be nice to be able to play with federation which I’ve never done and can come with a mountain of complexity but in that is the fun! Even if I was wrong in my bias it was fun to have an opportunity to start experimenting. I hope the experimentation continues!

LostLetterbox0@gmail.com (LostLetterbox) — Fri, 17 Nov 2023 12:06:33 +1100

I was speaking to one of my brothers last night, I guess recapturing thoughts I’ve already had and trying to share them in the only way I know possible before my consciousness eats itself like an ouroboros. Anyway, I was trying to express my comfort at the fact that any digital relics I put together whilst I breathe I’m okay with (and fond of) the idea that they will decay, rot and be replaced by the relics of others.

We live on the floor of a forest. Nutrients cycle from generation to generation and hopefully in each specific moment a solution or set of events comes together (like atoms) that is appropriate for the time being expressed. The time may be joyful, it may be painful, it may be both or nothing at all… but everything has a right to the time at hand and nothing (and no one; myself included) has a right to the time in which they aren’t alive.

My trite phrasing is that the land is for the living and I hope this is a universal truth we can all acknowledge (of course once I pass what to do with my memory will be up to those that survive me (I don’t want it to weigh them down like a millstone but that’s not my right to decide)). And if I’m wrong and rights extend past the living then I’m okay with being wrong, it’s not up to me to write the fate of the universe, just to decide on the answers that make sense for me.

Anyway, back to the forest floor. The phrase I gave to my brother, he was telling me that I’ve been misguided about my place in the universe (of course he is right, and of course I’m allowed to be wrong) and I was trying to say it doesn’t matter (in a cosmic sense). If I’ve tried to be there for others as an expression of the suffering I chose for myself then that was my choice, if he sees my impact on society as being larger than I do then that’s okay too. Whatever the gap I leave in the canopy of the forest (big or small), with time it will close, with time other trees (or people) will fill those holes with whatever is hopefully appropriate and life will prevail. If I leave a big gap then I bear more responsibility whilst it closes, if I leave a smaller gap then the whole left will close quicker… Either way closing the gap wont be up to me, it’d be nice to be able offer the universe more of myself (from a selfish perspective) but if it doesn’t happen that’s ok too.

Life prevails. The arrow of time moves on, we all keep moving. If it all stops, if life stops, if the universe stops, if the simulation stops that would be a huge shame because then everything we’ve (life? humanity?) has learnt to hold dear (like knowledge sharing, effort, empowerment) would also be meaningless. I celebrate the march of life, I celebrate others moving on (from me and otherwise), I want to celebrate the opportunity of life that may have never existed.

Much love to whoever reads this <3

LostLetterbox0@gmail.com (LostLetterbox) — Thu, 16 Nov 2023 22:56:23 +1100

Firstly, everyone must choose their own definition for these concepts, I offer this as my perspective after a life in my own privileged head combined with the privilege of therapy I’ve had access to.

My definition of pain is that it’s a response to usually external stimulus (it can be internal especially where it impacts cognition or thought but in most situations for the majority of people based on my definition its typically a response to external stimulus). It may be caused by a stubbed toe, a disasterous work situation (controlled or uncontrolled), a disappointing relationship, a broken promise… under my definition of pain its a gap that has been created between the difference of expectation and reality and in so many situations a completely rational response (albeit sometimes unhelpful) in order togrieve or migrate those expectations.

Suffering, again in my esteem, is where the pain doesn’t subside but remains. Suffering is more than the stubbed toe it could be the ghost limb that never stops hurting. The intersection of a bad accident that haunts you everytime you pass. The relationship (or job?) that you ruminate on unable to process or understand what message or lesson should have been learned through the burn (if it takes a long time I’d say its better thought of as badd luck but a mindset is hard to change if change is possible), it could also be grief. It’s an oversimplification to say that suffering is a choice, but if suffering is a choice I have sympathy for anyone who either chooses or finds themselves stuck in a state of suffering (in my definition an inability to pass the chasm between expectation and reality).

As I previously stated I’ve had a decade in and out of therapy, there are definitely modalities of suffering that I’ve felt unable to shake over the course of my life. For example I wish I had been better able to cross the chasm of my own expectations regarding matters of romantic and social relationships and that stuckness definitely caused me suffering. It should and could have been pain but I have found myself stuck in my expectations. Everything I talk about is going to be framed in the cancer diagnosis that won’t leave my mind but I can say that receiving the diagnosis has alleviated my suffering within my depression. In some ways I’m grateful for my inability to choose a relationship, I don’t have dependents to worry about, promises to a spouse to break, or any of that kind. Sure I’m surprised and broken the promises I’ve implicitly made to my family, my parent(s), my siblings, and extended family… But I guess those promises have never felt as demanding as those we would make to our partners and children. I got a shit diagnosis, but that shit diagnosis by pure chance won’t by itself determine the lives of the people I have loved and who have been there for me the entirety of my life. I think I’d be far more impacted by my family receiving a diagnosis akin to mine than I am receiving the diagnosis personally; its much harder to try to justify someone else suffering when you can pick up the boulder yourself and carry-on as best you know how.

I’ve tried to express to my family that I’ve had a good life, even if we’re all surprised by how it ends and I hope they know it’s true. It didn’t take me long to recognise my luck whilst putting together the list of media/art I’ve enjoyed over my very cushy life working in technology. In terms of pain and suffering, I know if the doctors aren’t as successful as they hope in this treatment it will be painful for my family, we can’t avoid the stubbed toe… I just don’t want them held in suffering. It has been a fine life, and it may continue for many years (we don’t know), I just hope they stay open to the possibilities in life, adapt to the new challenges whether I’m there for them or not and continue making the best decisions they know how. It’s not about being perfect, or fixing every injustice… such a lofty expectation is too demanding to meet even if it were possible… It’s about making the most of each situation, knowing that each decision will have downsides and possibly come with pain… and that this pain will hopefully shift to the next understanding of reality.

I love my family, and if you’re reading this I might love you too, I want you all to be who you are, live as well as you can and accept the journey for what it is; random, painful, and sometimes joyful.

LostLetterbox0@gmail.com (LostLetterbox) — Thu, 16 Nov 2023 21:36:05 +1100

I’m not here to comment on the complexity of sponsoring, releasing, publishing, promoting, disseminating or otherwise the pursuit of knowledge and specifically scientific knowledge. What I do wish to take a moment to do is congratulate the audacity of both the dream and realisation of the Sci-Hub project. In my perspective “Western” society has fetishised the dissemination of knowledge and information as a bulwark against our weaker natures… I cannot confirm or deny the truth of this stance but I can recognise that its influence has impacted many a democratically elected government and in many areas driven the complexity of our understanding.

Without collective endeavour paid not out of the pockets of capitalistic journals but through the altruistic societal insurance of collaborative government I would not have the same level of cancer care that I’m currently receiving. As far as I understand it Sci-Hub is a principles based venture to help ensure that knowledge and understanding does not perish under the cover of dust but is open to those who are willing to spend the few moments we are given of air pushing forward the complexities of our understanding.

I applaud their efforts and their toil without knowing the full scope of their impact and hope an endeavour empower our humanity through our collective wisdom remains intact no matter the change of our economic proclivities; time is precious and I hope its spent as well as we know able!

LostLetterbox0@gmail.com (LostLetterbox) — Wed, 15 Nov 2023 07:35:12 +1100

In the vein of showing gratitude for things that have worked when they under a more selfish interpretation of society probably shouldn’t have is today’s homage to the Wikimedia Foundation. As always I will never claim that projects even with the most pure intent will always work or leave a positive mark either in general or for everyone personally however I can recognise that due to the effort of people trying, showing up, persisting, donating, contributing and through their practice of living making my life better in both big and small ways.

Wikipedia is a joy of a reference source, a collection of collective wisdom to contextualise and stimulate the discovery and propagation of information across society. I am incredibly grateful that I’ve been able to witness and learn from the somewhat anonymous contributions of potentially millions of users.

I hope the project can continue to organise for its own future and those who will outlive me continue to find value and purpose in keeping this institution or institutions like it running. Much love for Wikipedia and the Wikimedia Foundation.

LostLetterbox0@gmail.com (LostLetterbox) — Tue, 14 Nov 2023 22:51:38 +1100

Unfortunately, over the course of my career I’ve always performed security via checkbox. That is to say these are the organisational, institutional or prior art of how security is managed (typically a fairly static service, internal service, cloud-run service, or predefined service with low attack vector).

I’ve always wondered (superficially) where these standards get set (in the few circumstances for low value targets I’ve relied on the direct advice of OWASP.

Today I came across much more pragmatic advice from Mac Chaffee discussing not just the intention scale and evolution of the WAF but also its technical costs. Security, in my view, is about injecting the “correct” level of friction given a clear determination of the risks of the service being managed so I invite you to consider Mac Chaffee’s view of Web Application Firewalls.

LostLetterbox0@gmail.com (LostLetterbox) — Tue, 14 Nov 2023 22:41:39 +1100

I know I don’t have reach { nor do I desire it ;) }, however it bears repeating that even if Canonical (sponsors of the Ubuntu project) aren’t releasing insecure project updates then they are almost definitely confusing their (free?) users if the packages being released are insecure.

I have already mostly switched to debian distributions myself which or may not be secure but feels like a more trustworthy promise. To fix the underlying publishing insecurity some form of sponsorship in sweat or money will likely need to be (re?-)made.

flu0r1ne via Hacker News spawned my personal concern

LostLetterbox0@gmail.com (LostLetterbox) — Tue, 14 Nov 2023 11:10:18 +1100

Just taking a pause today to show some appreciation for the long slog that has been sqlite. I have had nothing to do with the project directly but have used it intermittantly on occasion in a work or project capacity. The love shown towards this project both at a practical level and within self-hosting projects is an absolute joy to see and I hope those who have invested their blood, sweat and tears have enjoyed many a great moment for their efforts and contributions.

It’s amazing to live in a world where open contributions matter and make a difference and are possible.

Thank you sqlite may your contributions be continued to be recognised for a while to come and may you be blessed withthe gratitude deserving of a successful project

LostLetterbox0@gmail.com (LostLetterbox) — Sun, 12 Nov 2023 06:57:06 +1100

Having previously, albeitly very shortly, worked at my country’s federal geoscientific research organisation (Geoscience Australia which was formerly the Australian Surveying and Land Information Group) I developed an appreciation for the tireless and continual work to translate, digitise and store a representation of our physical world into the bits and bytes we commonly use to reinterpret some breadth of reality.

It can be sad when the world is misinterpreted, and great that an attempt to understand is ever made in the first place given the technical complexity involved in establishing any kind of formal record or collection. I just wanted to take a brief moment to express my personal gratitude for the work they (Geoscience Australia) and their partner organisations across the world go through in this journey both in heartbreak and success.

I also wanted to express my desire that I hope it can continue, that I hope a geospatial/geoscientific model of our world will not just continue but expand. Seeing these technocrats execute gave me an even greater appreciation (I hope) for the work conducted by the countless volunteers and contributors to projects to ensure a knowledge graph is available and open such as that guided by the OpenStreetMap Foundation which I also hope continues such that the world isn’t left to proprietary solutions such as Google Maps which have proven themselves at best mixed stewards of commons data. I understand expertise isn’t and shouldn’t be cheap but hopefully open access projects will continue both whilst I breathe and afterwards to enable future platforms and ease suffering.

Hopefully I’ll find sufficient treatment in my current health battles to contribute to projects like these in the future and in either case they prove themselves sufficiently useful to continue!

LostLetterbox0@gmail.com (LostLetterbox) — Mon, 09 Oct 2023 10:14:30 +1100

When we spend all our time looking in the mirror we begin to believe we can predict the future.

Or, I need to get more external stimulus and get out of my head more.

LostLetterbox0@gmail.com (LostLetterbox) — Sat, 20 May 2023 10:43:20 +1000

It’s crazy seeing interviews on TV as bounce between discussing female empowerment and “toxic masculinity”. On a program today the presenters were discussing the Ladies we need to talk podcast. There were 3 women discussing how hard it is for women to express rage (the context was venues that facilitate plate smashing), it raised a personal irk that this was conceived as a particularly gendered problem as opposed to a human problem that had a gendered lens (that is to say no space was afforded to how this problem could be experienced outside those who identify as women). The existance of domestic violance and partner agression should not delegitimise the emotional experience and wellbeing of those that do not commit these crimes; in fact the unhealthy expression of anger especially to violent acts shows how important it is for everyone to practice healthy expressions of anger (though my personal opinion is that plate smashing is needlessly destructive; where available breaking fallen sticks and branches fulfills a similar need without putting additional strain on the natural environment). I’m angry about the delegitimisation of the male experience, and that conversations that seek to promote female empowerment often do it at the exclusion of universal experiences.

Whilst the discussion of anger annoyed me, even more invalidating was the discussion about rejection. The empathy the presenters expressed to one another regarding rejection experienced by women, how it can come in waves and last years and how it can negatively shape lives was remarkably different to how the news-commentary discuss teh experience of male rejection, and in particular the desire to punish rather than rehabilitate those that feel lost to the incel identity (both in its destructive and its learned-helplessness forms).

I believe that in the main we should try to use the human condition as a unifying force, to share our commonalities, I find the reflective grab towards a gendered lens to be completely alienating (that overall it promotes a narrative of male=bad). A gendered lens or view is incredibly helpful when trying to understand structural disadvantage, however, when attempting to canvas the human condition it should be used invitingly and with great care. I understand the hypocritical nature of this post and my only defense is that this blog is an effort is self-reflection and introspection and does not carry the weight or expectations of broadcast media.

LostLetterbox0@gmail.com (LostLetterbox) — Tue, 25 Apr 2023 12:36:25 +1000

The most thorough way to determine whether someone is suicidal or harbouring suicidal ideations is an autopsy.

Sometimes the path towards self-acceptance means having a relationship with the darker parts of the mind, the less politically correct, and from there finding a path through the world (negotiated with others) that is workable and focuses on the mutually beneficial.

One of the saddest parts of both suicidal intent and suicidal ideations is that it robs the individual of the ability to plan for the future and thereby can rob them of a life even when they continue breathing.

If you’re reading this in a place of darkness I hope you find a light and your path.

LostLetterbox0@gmail.com (LostLetterbox) — Fri, 21 Apr 2023 08:00:17 +1000

Google has historically marketed itself as hiring some of the best and brightest (technically speaking) in the world to build and improve their product offerings. I wonder how many human lifetimes they have collectively burned delivering pages of ads to scroll past, video ads waited to be skipped, and the time wasted on bait and switch ads who only exist due to the market making provided by their ad network.

Rolled up I wonder how they would rank against conflicts in terms of lost human potential.

LostLetterbox0@gmail.com (LostLetterbox) — Wed, 19 Apr 2023 07:33:53 +1000

Had a minor realisation today that television is elevator music for the home, something to help ease the discomfort and isolation in the environment. Gone are the days where one could drop into a public house (this is also due to my self-judgement/introversion) and find company, or eavesdrop into conversations more interesting than that offered by tv personalities. Today’s pubs, for me, don’t have that community feel… more of a place for overpriced kilojules.

I need to socialise more, and to find interactions outside of work

LostLetterbox0@gmail.com (LostLetterbox) — Mon, 17 Apr 2023 08:28:53 +1000

I wonder if we could converse with ants and ask if they had free will if they would respond yes. Ants colonies appear highly regulated and there communicate strongly through pheromones. I wonder if following those pheromone signals elicits a response similar to what dopamine provides in humans. I wonder if this kind of process may explain some of the negative consequences of loneliness and provide explanatory power for the idiosyncratic thinking patterns that may be being detected for those who subjectively are experiencing loneliness.

LostLetterbox0@gmail.com (LostLetterbox) — Sun, 16 Apr 2023 09:08:35 +1000

hello world¹

Lonely People May Have Fundamentally Different Brain Activity ↩︎

LostLetterbox0@gmail.com (LostLetterbox) — Thu, 06 Apr 2023 10:12:51 +1000

From an early age we are conditioned to believe in the concepts of justice and fairness. Since we’ve developed language to express these concepts we know too that we have the need to convey their absence; that is that there exists moments of unfairness and injustice. These moments are portrayed as an aberration, a mistake to be corrected… An intervention may be required but the arc of history can be bent towards these desirable concepts.

The underlying problem that cannot be avoided however is that for justice to be done and for fairness to prevail that an omniscient arbiter must exist (at least for the circumstances in question). In situations where the monarch’s justice or the church’s justice is inadequate justice may be delayed until the afterlife when our hearts are weighed against the feather of truth and justice. Even our children’s stories include references to an omniscient arbiter in the guise of Santa Claus who knows when you are sleeping and when you are awake.

LostLetterbox0@gmail.com (LostLetterbox) — Thu, 09 Dec 2021 09:49:41 +1100

Sociologists have a claim that men and women maintain friendships through different mechanisms. Women can maintain relationships through conversation, even over the phone whilst men are more responsive to maintaining friendship through an activity or common objective. Evidence sited includes the observation that men catch-up shoulder-to-shoulder or facing out in the same direction whereas women will catch-up face-to-face… They claim that this may have an evolutionary basis, that historically men have hunted together, shared adversity, gone to war; that these bonds were secured through a trust fall of necessity (as opposed to voluntary).

I’m not too sure of the evolutionary basis yet, I think I’d need to it back either through intentional or accidental experimentation (for example I see greater universality/observation for the sociological observation of Dunbar’s number). Another explanation is that, historically at least (and I would argue it continues to this day) that (perhaps mainly attractive) women are seen to have intrinsic value (women and children first) (and if it’s not intrinsic perhaps its maternal) whereas a man has to provide for his value (in some respects this could be interpreted as paternal value; but that defending that would result in an eternal conflict). To remove a political component we can typify a double parent household as requiring two functions; a carer (historically female) and a provider (historically male), carers can bond by sharing care (conversation) and providers can bond by sharing in provision (for example hunting or working).

The dead boys club; essentially feminism has deconstructed to social space for (historically male) providers to bond, they’ve done this on the basis that sex shouldn’t be the determinant of the carer/provider selection (and that this determination is wholly unfair on single carers (more than single providers)). And now we live in the shadow of feminism, not only did the (probably rightly) destroy the male social space, but then also blame men for the consequences dually through using shame and guilt on men to bond through conversation and bolting with an over-arching narrative of toxic masculinity.

The boys club is dead, long live the providers club! (Though we’ll need several crises before this new space feels safe and the harmful narratives recede; also households will be more complex as either people change roles (from provider to carer if child are had) or a double provider household rents carers (we still don’t have a social mechanism to support a double carer household outside of family and government support)).

LostLetterbox0@gmail.com (LostLetterbox) — Fri, 03 Dec 2021 10:31:25 +1100

Central to the origin story of open-source software is the right to repair, this is the right not just to maintain the items that we purchase but also the ability to adapt them to our needs (as opposed to adapting our needs to the item). Now, software can be a lot more stubborn than physical tools, a hammer doesn’t behave differently when you use it on a leap day, but that alone shouldn’t stop of from being free to modify it for our own ergonomics (dark mode is just one accommodation that has gained momentum in addition to accessibility requirements).

Right to repair means localising control, it encourages local adaptations, local innovation, and local skills. I shouldn’t need to send my fridge to Korea to assess a repair, likewise I shouldn’t need to scream at billion-dollar companies (like an ant to an elephant) to try and help adjust a tool or service to suit my needs. We, citizens as consumers, need to retain the right to repair and furthermore need to enshrine rights to modify software (and algorithm/A.I. balance) where it can be reasonably accommodated relative to the size of the provider and is consistent with the design of the software (much like ring-world digital services are software all the way down (until you hit the unknown ;)).

Corporations can’t act with empathy but people can whether its the designers, the builders, their managers/product-owners or the budget setters that back them, let’s respect humanity and inject a little fairness and control where we can!

LostLetterbox0@gmail.com (LostLetterbox) — Sat, 27 Nov 2021 16:56:55 +1100

A common comment I’ve received from psychologists and, on rare social interactions, from others is that I shouldn’t be so hard on myself. Today I’ve realised the source of the hardness, the source, partially, stems from the expectations of others. People haven’t accepted the way I am, and if I wasn’t hard on myself I’d likely spend even more time asleep or wishing to be taken by it… The hardness they tell me to drop is one of the sole factors that I’m out of bed and in the world, and my resistance towards that feedback stems from that very fact.

LostLetterbox0@gmail.com (LostLetterbox) — Sat, 27 Nov 2021 12:53:14 +1100

I’ve come up with a rationalisation for my poor compliance with anti-depressants medication, perhaps I’m seeking to retrospectively justify poor behaviour, but I find psychology often reaches for these kinds of descriptors to justify unkind interactions with patients all too often. How can you test the suitability of the sauce without tasting it? Either you blindly trust that the combination of ingredients is deterministic or you taste and calibrate it. Part and parcel of the experience of depression is a distrust of ones’ perceptions, calibration is required, and whilst wearing a veil of medication its impossible to taste the experience, and perhaps the intermittance adherence to a mediciation schedule is akin to tasting my current experiences.

LostLetterbox0@gmail.com (LostLetterbox) — Sat, 27 Nov 2021 12:46:28 +1100

When someone has a suffered an injury, for example an opened artery, our first thoughts aren’t to find them medication for pain management, instead we rush to stem the bleed, i.e. arrest the loss of blood… we target the harmful situation. But, perhaps due to the recency of formalised mental health management and the hegemony of the pharmaceutical industry our medical reflex is to manage mental pain instead of stemming the blood loss.